strANDed GraDUAte's Blog

Sex, Drugs, Rock n' Roll, and MANIPAL!!!!

2010-06-16T01:27:00.000-07:00

Manipal - "A small town in Karnataka, India. Has a university where rich parents send their spoilt kids to, so that they can booze, smoke weed and get laid, and maybe get a degree in the process."

That's urban dictionary's definition for you. And I can unashamedly say that we did all that... and more. Save the rich parents part. And believe me, my parents didn't spoil me, Manipal did. Now this isn't the ideal place to get an "education", but as Floyd would agree, "educated" we all did get.

Strange, that I'm writing this almost 4 years after I graduated from that place. But it's raining here in Bombay (Mumbai whatever!!!), and the rains always remind me of Manipal. The place I stopped being a bespectacled geek and a complete loser and GREW UP!!! I can't even begin to define Manipal. I'd rather like to think of it as a spirit rather than a physical place. It's more of a phenomenon - something that teaches you to seek out the world (and most likely punch it in the face), something that makes you see yourself as just yourself (and not part of a 'system'), and most of all, something that urges you to be FREE!!

Manipal gave us the choice to be whatever we wanted to be - from a computer geek to a rock star. It allowed us time and space to be alone when we were down, and to be swamped by 20 guys immediately after, urging us to "bottoms up" the last whiskey peg. And believe me, you will not find anything more delicious than a "Deva's Special" anywhere in the world. And it has the only restaurant in the world where ketchup is the main ingredient of everything.. and I mean it.. EVERYTHING!!!!! It is a place where friends will not only die for you, but they will kill for you as well. And there is hardly a campus around the whole of India which is more scenic.

Manipal is purity in its most raw form. It is the whitest of white. Think of it as the first uncut garage version of 'The Dark Side of the Moon', or the first time Watson met Holmes. It is the place of firsts. First time I got thrown out of class, first time I rolled a joint, first time I saw a girl across the library hall and fell hopelessly in love, first time I nervously tried to pick a six string in front of a 1000-strong booing audience, and first time I partied so hard that I don't remember that I actually HAD been to a party the previous night.

It is a magical place filled with Deva's, and Timmy's, and Shack Point, and LC, and KC, and TC, and Juice Center, and Sheela, and Sutta & Chai, and 9th Block, and 10th Block, and 1st Block (smiles everyone!!!!), and Workshop (more smiles everyone!!!), and Malaysian Canteen, and Thaloor, and Downtown, and Movie Dome, and Auto Kaand, and Bun-Omelet, and Sizzling Browny, and Mighty Mighty. I could go on and on and on. But in the end, it is a place I call Home!!!

When she says, "We should just be friends!!"

2010-06-08T10:37:00.000-07:00

Seriously... Isn't that the shallowest, ruthless, selfish, gut renching, hideous, and THE MOST INSULTING remark you have ever heard? This translates to, "Honey, you were nice. But I've just upgraded to a better model. But would you be darling and wait on the bench, as a back up? Just in case." It's like been given a consolation prize for being a LOSER.

Well.. The answer is... NO. You can't be "just friends", because she has screwed you and dumped you for a bigger car. Because she has wasted hours and hours of your life making you listen to her, bitching about every god damn thing in this world. And those long walks. AAARRRGGHHHH!!!! What were those for?? She didn't even lose any weight. In fact, her ass just kept getting bigger and bigger and BIGGER!!! And all your money that she so ruthlessly wasted on those countless long island iced teas.

What the F*** do women think when they say this kinda stuff? Of course, as Henry Higgins said, "Thinking is something they never do." But still, have a conscience.

The "just friends" thing also means that YOU get to be the one to whom she bitches about her boyfriend. And YOU get to be the one she pings when she's super bored and her boyfriend won't listen to her brainless chit chat. But wait.. there's a corollary to this deal too. "If by 30 I'm not married and not seeing anyone else, we should get married." Man. It's like saying, "Why don't you warm the bench? Meanwhile, I will try and play the field." Women know very well that if they don't find a rich idiot to suck dry by 30, they never will. And at 30, she stops being a babe and becomes a BEBE. So guys will not hit on her anymore. Yes YOU, lucky sir, get to be the back up drive!!!

Of course, if you end up with a "Friends with benefits" sort of a deal, that's not half bad. But that's about the farthest that one should go. But "just friends"?? Take my advice. Go and watch an SRK film instead. It's less painful.

What B-Schools DO teach you...

2010-05-25T02:41:00.000-07:00

Statistically speaking, B-School entrance examinations in India attract more people than the Vatican. So it is reasonable to say that a B-School can be looked upon as a Temple of Learning. But what exactly does a B-School teach you? Here are a few points:

Leadership.. is the art of getting the job done by someone else. Technical term? Outsourcing.
Knowledge.. is the amount of jargon-filled BS you can talk in the time given to you. The idea is to confuse the other person so much that he'll never know that YOU DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING!!!
Work Ethic.. make sure the person from whom you're copying your assigments has this. All you need to do is show up in the end and make sure the spelling of your name on the cover page is correct.
Punctuality.. is essential, if you don't matter that is. If you are famous (and by this I mean head of some stupid committee), you can show up whenever you want.
Dress Code.. wearing an Armani is not going to get you to grow a brain. Believe me, it's a lot more relaxing in your khakis.
Friendship.. forget it. Nothing like this exists. People are just queing up to screw you behind your back.
Networking.. is simply kissing ass so someone will hire an undeserving imbecile like you and pay that fat salary.

So, there you have it. 6 key pillars on which these Cradles of Leadership stand. Now ain't you glad that you didn't get through CAT???

10 things I hate about a B-School

2010-05-12T08:03:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: The following article is completely fictitious. Any resemblance to any college whatsoever is purely coincidental.

Number 10>> "World Class" hostel facilities: 6 people sharing the same loo!! 2 guys sleeping on the same bed?? Is "The Snake" planning turn all of us gay?? Not to mention the complementary rat that comes with every room.
Number 9>> Exchange students: Students who come back from exchange and keep harping about the how good the quality education is and how awesome the professors are are simply LYING!! Truth is that they just went there to have wild European sex, but couldn't, because the goris rejected their dirty brown asses.
Number 8>> Dating (for Men): Please guys... taking the girl you like to Tankoo's does NOT qualify as a date. Loosen up the purse a little bit. This is Delhi for God's sake and women here don't come cheap. Take her to a nice place (say Hard Rock Cafe) and at least spend a grand (or sometimes four). This is not directed at anyone in particular. I'm sure your girl deserves that much.
Number 7>> Dating (for Women): Ladies... when you (rather, if you ever) get asked out by someone on a date, please (OH PLEASE!!!!) do not bring your stupid room-mates along. Unless, of course, they are cuter than you. The guy is interested in YOU, not your entourage.
Number 6>> Making out in public: It's understandable that couples have the need to suck face with each other from time to time. But when you do give in to such temptations, PLEASE DO IT PROPERLY!!! They are at least 5 people watching you from behind the curtains, and they deserve a good show.
Number 5>> DCP-s: Or Desperate Class Participants... Well, this one should not surprise anyone. B-Schools are filled with overenthusiastic juveniles who think management is all about asking questions (no matter how utterly moronic or irrelevant they are). Please... SHUT THE F*** UP!!!!!
Number 4>> "Knee-Keel Drove-Her": Need I say more???
Number 3>> Placecomm elections: Don't you just get pissed when a placecomm candidate gets up on stage and professes his/her eternal love for you and the college and how he/she is ready to risk ALL just to serve you. What a load of Crap!!!!! Buddy, you are here because you think getting into the placecomm is going to get you the best job, AND THAT IS IT!!!!
Number 2>> IMF: Student bodies with names like International Management Forum... Now I don't hate the IMF as such, just the name. Why in the world is it called IMF??? It is neither a Forum nor International. This is just another example of management students trying to complicate simple things. Just call it The Student Council.
Number 1>> DGP-s: For the uninitiated, a DGP (Derogatory Grade Point) is a negative grade point and is allotted to an unfortunate student who is found guilty of breaking certain rules in the college. But this is actually used as a tool by certain people holding 'high' posts (and with unusually small genitals) to exert power over those they are intimidated by but are too scared to confront man-to-man (well half a man in most cases).

Setting foot ON a B-School

2009-08-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

Phew!!!
Dunno how it went by.. but it did, and I'm glad it did and I am really looking forward to the rest of the 2 years to buzz away in similar fashion.

I'm not sure how to begin. I remember the moment of unadulterated joy when I saw my name on the final list. Somehow the first month has really not lived up to that moment. No! A B-School is not awe-inspiring, it's just a college.

Of course, there have been several problems, the least of them the infrastructure issues at the hostel, which definitely are not 'world class'. Single rooms converted into doubles, doubles converted to triples, with as many 6 people sharing a bathroom. C'mon!!! 6 grown-ups sharing a single bathroom. That's certainly 'world class'.

Now, the curriculum. Pretty agressive, that I have to admit. Lotsa assignments, quizzes, tests all at the same time. Teachers you ask? This is a college after all. And the mix is pretty hetero here. Some are absolutely brilliant (these are the people who actually care whether you take something away from their class), and the rest are a bunch of jokers. There is actually a prof who thinks Vivek Paul did nothing for Wipro and ICICI acquired Daewoo. HA HA!!! What a buffoon!!!

Then comes the B-School junta themselves. I think it's pretty safe to say (and I've been saying this all along) that the selection procedure is utter nonsense. True, there are some people who are actually good. But the majority are a bunch of juveniles who happen to crack some stupid math problems. The maturity levels are abysmally low, and most people are just over-eager imbeciles who actually think joining the 'mess committee' is actually gonna give them leadership positions. C'mon!!! Who are you kidding? HA HA!!! People are actually boasting about their various club associations in their CV. Can you imagine that?!! Dude, you just paid 400 bucks to get in the club. It really does not qualify as an achievement. If it's anybody's achievement, it's your old man's, who is actually earning those 400 bucks.

So watch out you people!!! Soon you are going to work under such managers.

For all those people appearing for CAT, XAT, MAT, FAT, RAT and all the other exams that test nothing but your dumb luck, please DON'T. Go out and enjoy. See the world. Cause 2 years in a B-School just aint worth it. CHEERS!!!

Of parents who never grew up

2009-05-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

2 minutes into the house (where I haven been for the last one n a half years) and the scolding starts. "Do this, do that!!!" OR Rather "Don't do this, don't do that!!!" Must be some kind of a record now. I remember last time it was a little more than 24 hours. But 2 mins. MAN!!! I'll give it to these guys. They sure no how to make their son feel wanted in the house.

And the grand finale was today evening. I am not going to go into the exact details of the event, but I can safely say that the roof was blown off today. In the end it was almost comical really, at least to me. But I have learnt a lot from today's exchange and I would like to share it with anyone with the same situation. So here are the rules of engagement:

Never NEVER get angry or react in an aggressive manner. That's exactly what the enemy wants.
Stay calm. Try and use both your ears. In from one and out from the other. Believe me, if you wanna piss them off, this is the best way. Nothing irritates them more than indifference.
Crack a joke or two. Trivialize the issue. That will really blow the top off, and it will explore your creativity too. Do not try and get into a serious conversation.
Switch on the TV and start watching the MTV (ideally Splits Villa).
YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Move around the room. Grab something to eat from the fridge or something. Don't leave the room. Just fool around inside.
Never make eye contact. Keep watching TV. Just make a few snide comments from time to time.
Lastly, when they stop, just say "Are you done?" and leave the battlefield, VICTORIOUS!!!

IPL Diary: Knight Riders OR the Nighty Riders

2009-05-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

Boy has the Fake IPL player laid into these guys, and deservedly so. What an absolute bunch of jokers!!! Now, I am Bengali, hence by default I am Rider fan. But even the most hardcore fan would have admitted at the start of the IPL that this team is not particularly strong. C’mon, you can’t seriously expect the likes of Akash Chopra, Sanjay Bangar and Laxmi Ratan Shukla to perform in South African pitches. But boy oh boy have they exceeded all our worst nightmares.

1 match in 7!!! Even a local club in Kolkata would have won more than that. Mr. Captain looks like he shitting in pants every time he goes out to bat. And Gayle seems as if he simply does not care. And I am sorry to say that our dear Dada should really hang up his boots now. Then there is the future of fast bowling in Indian cricket – Ishant Sharma – he seems keener to bowl maiden overs outside the cricket field than inside. And the rest are a bunch of jokers enjoying a free holiday in South Africa. What a bunch o LOSERS!!!!

And the blame starts right at the top, with the King Khan himself. Dude, this is sport, not a movie, wherein you can have a million retakes before you get your insane over-acting right. Now I used to think of SRK as a smart and sensible character. But I am happy to say he is proved me absolutely wrong. He is nothing but a bungling idiot, who is so hopelessly in love with himself that he seems to think that the forces of nature (and in this case IPL) will abide by his rules alone and hand him the IPL trophy because: “Hey, mein hoon Raj, naam to sunha hoga”. What a buffoon!!!! What a DILDO!!!

Controversies and more controversies!!! First, Kolkata is dropped from the name. For what possible ends, I fail to see. Next, the “innovative” 4-captain theory, which turned out to be a devious scheme hatched by Buchanan and co. to take Dada out of the captaincy, and eventually the team for sure. Mr. Buchanan, you are a damn cricket coach, not Peter Drucker. You could not even play the game yourself. So just stop pretending to be God with your little laptop. I am sure you’re just playing Minesweeper anyway.

I could go on and on about the gargantuan fuck-ups that SRK and his gang of pussies have done. But please, this team should just spare us the agony of watching them lose anymore and catch the first flight home.

IPL Diary: Go Fab Four!!!!

2009-04-19T21:57:00.002-07:00

Firstly, great to see the IPL finally up and underway. Would have loved to see it happen in India. But South Africa it is, and kudos to all who organized this in just 3 weeks times. Slap on the face of Chidambaram and the Congress, that's for sure!!!

Now, I am not a huge fan of T-20 cricket. I find Test Cricket way more riveting, but T-20 is good entertainment. It's the only form that can bring cricket anywhere close to the popularity of football.

In the end, it is a game of cricket. And only the best cricketers will be able to excel in it. So all this talk about specialized T-20 cricketers and Test cricketers not being able to play T-20 is all manure. If you are a good enough cricketer, you should be able to play any form of cricket. So this summer, I will be rooting for the Fab Four of Indian cricket: Sachin, Saurav, Dravid and Laxman. Go on guys, show the boys how the men play.

Seriously, there is no reason why these four gentlemen cannot set IPL 2 on fire. If you recall, last season Dravid and Laxman were the most consistent performers for the their respective teams. Sachin was out with an injury for a long time, but both he and Ganguly showed sparks why they were one of the most feared batsmen in world cricket at one point of time, Ganguly being at his flamboyant best during his 90-odd against the Deccan Chargers.

And these men are at it again in the second edition of the extravaganza. Sachin and Dravid have already anchored their respective teams to victory on the opening day. True, KKR and Ganguly had a dreadful outing on Sunday, but he is sure to fight back, in a way only he can. The Very Very Special Man was run out. But it won't be long before those exquisuite cover drives and wristy flicks begin to flow. Remember, South African pitches are not as flat as the Indian ones. So only good batsmen would do well. Slap-bang batsmen like Asnodkar will fail miserably here.

So here a toast to the best Indian Cricket has ever produced. May their light never fade away. Here's to the FAB FOUR!!! CHEERS!!!!

We didn't start the Flame War!!!!

2009-04-15T07:20:00.001-07:00

This is hilarious. Check this out...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Bong Boyz rocking Harvard

2009-04-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

Found this guy after really really long time (the one in the middle), surprisingly on You Tube. Good to see he's still at it.

All About CAT: The Journey... Is it worth it??

2009-04-09T05:02:00.000-07:00

Different people live for different reasons. Fame, fortune - whatever it may be.

Within the concrete jungles of India, there live a unique set of people, who, every year in the Jan-Feb time frame, start living for 3 things - Verbal, Quant and DI. Now for the uninitiated, and you do have to be from a galaxy far far away to be so, these are the 3 pillars on of the dreaded Common Aptitude Test aka CAT!!!! The dreaded billi which has consumed many a sane mind. Young, and not so young, graduates go absolutely crazy to bell this billi to be Mediocre But Arrogant.

I dunno what was the figure this year, and I don't care, but it it was close to a zillion, and every year it is a zillion more. A zillion people fighting for a seat in a few "prestigious" (and I mean the quotes) B-Schools in India. Only a fraction, and I mean a paltry 0.1%, actually get to live their dreams, and the rest are left to bite the dust, feeling that life is just not worth living anymore.

But as the poet says,

"I get knocked down..
But i get up again..
You're never gonna keep me down!!!"

Same is the case with these folks. Another year, another CAT, and another, and another.............. Man! Even the Enterprise wasn't out for this long.

So what happens to these poor, lost souls? How do they get out of this vicious circle of examinations? Well most never do, not completely anyway. They keep pounding away, adding and subtracting (no time to multiply!!!), correcting sentences, reading page after page after page of dreary monologues about gene theory and the masturbation cycle of birds, and filling missing numbers into tables mysteriously burnt by fire. And the whole wondering what possible use this will be in their future.

The elders say "Don't worry about the result... Just keep working hard. Results will follow." Well, obviously these elders never made it themselves. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!! The result does matter. Year after year people are giving up their lives to cram a few math and english problems. Imagine all the movies you could have watched if you did not have to write all the SIM CATs and AIM CATs and MOCK CATs on Sunday afternoons. Imagine all the partying you could have done on Saturday nights had you not been mugging up formulae for the Sunday exams.

C'mon people!!! Live life the way it should be lived. You ain't gonna be in your 20-s forever. So please... go out, have some fun, read a good book, watch a good play. Do something with your life rather wasting it in the pursuit of your seemed happyness. Because believe you me, the effort is never going to be worth the time you lost.

Charge up...

2009-04-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

There are a very few songs which make you energized even in the most difficult of times (e.g. Monday mornings). Although I am not a big fan of Bhagwaan - I refuse to believe in invisible men and women in the sky - this one totally wakes me up!!!

I am back!!!

2008-12-13T01:14:00.000-08:00

Guess it's been more than a year since my last post. Almost forgotten that I actually had a blog of my own. I guess the recent events in Mumbai have really stirred my senses back into something I guess would be electronic media.

Several things happened over this year. My relentless quest for the elusive MBA continues. Finally gave a B-School interview (and promptly got rejected). Got promoted, and have been given added responsibilities. Finally consumed a whole bottle of Jack Daniels. :) Lost a dear friend and teacher. Gained a few friends. Read some great books. Got cheated by someone close (or at least who used to be closed).

But the greatest thing that I guess has happened, is that I finally found some perspective in life. I guess I have made peace with failure and settled down. Oh not that kind of settle down. Just settled down to the routine of my life and STOPPED trying to do something different!!!!

All I can say that right now is that - It's good to be back!!!!

Devil Speak: Welcome

2007-07-17T02:57:00.000-07:00

I have seen the great Tide..
I have witnessed the first Fratricide..
I have heard birds with mighty wings cry..
I have even seen sweet Jesus die.

Ceaser once felt my bloody knife..
I ran away with the Spartan wife..
I have bathed in the Lake of Fire..
I am the Apple of all Desire..

So sing and shout,
And dance about,
You will see me once your lights are out...

Auschwitz will remember my Final Solution..
I am all that takes for Californication..
I took those sleepy Diamonds from Lucy..
If only his death Gandhi could forsee..

I was the man on the grassy knoll..
It is I who takes your soul..
It is I who with my Bushy smile..
Blairs into your ears, millions die..

So sing and shout,
And dance about,
You will see me once your lights are out...

So sing and shout,
And dance about,
I will see you once your lights are out...

HA HA!!!!

The Idiot Box

2006-10-07T04:18:00.000-07:00

Caught somewhere in time,
An endless maze of loops..
Sound of clicks, no clock ticks..
The end knocks..
That idiot box!!!

Gazin with wild eyes..
Walls all arnd close in..
Mouth is dry, fingers cry..
This heads rocks..
That idiot box!!!

Sittin like a caged animal, longin to see the sun..
Millions n millions of nonsense to be done..
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run..
And u think that we r havin fun..

Fingers sore, use me like a whore..
The breeze outside mocks..
That idiot box!!!

Jimbo

2006-09-09T03:08:00.000-07:00

Jimbo!!!
Wat r u upto??
O Jimbo!!!
Where r u goin??
O Jimbo!!!
Ur mama's callin u home...

Jimbo!!!
Wat r u thinkin??
O Jimbo!!!
Wat r u singin??
O Jimbo!!!
Why r u so alone...

Movin here n there, u really don care,
Killer on the road, O ur so cold... so cold... so cold...

Jimbo!!!
Wat r u smokin??
O Jimbo!!!
Wat r u sniffin??
O Jimbo!!!
Lookin so so torn...

The ghost is singin, death its bringin,
Oh my beautiful friend, this is the end... the end... the end...

Nobody

2006-09-05T01:21:00.000-07:00

There was a man standin in the grey..
Where is he from, who can say..
He stares over yonder towards the dusky sky..
Gazin thru the settin sun..
As the world passes him by..

A child sits by the garbage bin..
Nibbling away from a used food tin..
His eyes n hands stained with black..
Shivering in the cold winter breeze..
Covered with a tattered mac..

The old hag staggers besides the frozen pond..
She's humming an old soldier's song..
Pigeons n crows keep her company in the rye..
She gives them a longing look..
Wondering when she would fly..

Paradise City

2006-09-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

Imagine a place, a quiet place,
Where silence reigns.
A silent field, ruffled by the quiet breeze,
The tall grass swayin to n fro.

On top the hill,
The old castle stands cold n silent.
Centuries it has seen,
Tales of war, tales of peace.

The sweet flute cries over yonder,
Its sounds ride the gentle wind.
A child sits in a quiet tree,
Gazin at the vast greens.

Devil Speak: Number of the beast

2006-09-03T21:49:00.000-07:00

The beast awoke from the depths of hell,
Seekin blood, fire in its eyes.
The smell of fresh meat is in the air,
Broken by a child's soft cry.

"Come to me, o little one,
Come to my arms.
Come to me, o human child,
I mean u no harm."

Devil Speak: Frustration!!!

2006-09-03T21:39:00.000-07:00

Beaten bloody down,
Darkness all around.
Can hear no sound,
Think I'm drowned.

Someone plz kill me,
Let my body release me.
I keep goin down down down,
All the way, there's no ground.